


James Bond and the Musical Money Supplier

by Castillon02



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, bagpipes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 10:49:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15580320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02
Summary: The story of how Bond learned to play several instruments while undercover.





	James Bond and the Musical Money Supplier

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 007 Fest 2017 and posted here for archival purposes. 
> 
> Thanks to @jaimistoryteller for posting the headcanon that inspired this!

“Bond, we’re sending you undercover to monitor a man named Treble,” M said. “He’s exceedingly wealthy and he likes to court the leaders of various terrorist organizations. Fancies himself a freedom fighter and what-have-you. You’ll be posing as a man of means who’s got a similar outlook. Make friends with him; find out how many pies he’s got his fingers in and which ones might explode.”

“Yes, sir,” Bond said with a nod.

“This looks to be a long-term assignment, and you’ll need at least three months of training before you go into it. Treble’s what you might call an _eccentric_ ,” M said with distaste. “He only pays attention to people who are at least somewhat musically inclined; he has this obsessive notion that he’s the leader of his own band and only fellow players are worthy of his respect. Now, I’ll leave the details–”

“Three months?” Bond interrupted. “But why, sir?”  

“Well, have you touched an instrument since secondary school?” M asked, frowning at the interruption.

Bond coughed. “In fact, I have, sir.”

M raised a single skeptical eyebrow.

“Bagpipes, sir. I learned at Fettes, still have a go at it occasionally.” Usually to punish some hungover sod with a rousing rendition of Heilan Laddie, not that M needed to know that. “I’m certain it will take me less than three months to get back into full form. And it’s a unique enough instrument outside of Scotland that I’ll bet I can leverage it to catch Treble’s attention.”

“Well, we’ll see how you do,” M said ungraciously. “Get your brief from Tanner; he’ll let you know when and where to go for your piping lessons. Good luck, 007, and for god’s sake practice your finger positions or whatever they want you to do. This Treble hasn’t done anything to warrant direct intervention yet, but the sooner you ship out to keep it that way, the better I’ll feel.”

“Yes, sir,” Bond said, and saw himself out of M’s office.

Moneypenny smirked at him as he exited. Of course she would know all about this. Rare was the mission that went unnoticed by her, and she’d also been privy to one of Bond’s morning-after performances, mostly because Bond had wanted someone to film the field recruits’ agony when they woke up to a mysterious someone playing 79th Farewell to Gibraltar after they had tried–and failed miserably–to outdrink him.

“Ready to start your homework?” Moneypenny asked.

“I’m sure I’ll breeze through it,” Bond said, though inwardly he thought it would be a damn hard two or three weeks before any bagpiping tutor could really approve him for duty. “It’s only blowing and fingering, right? I’ve always been tops at those.”

“But I’ve heard bagpipes require lots of gracenotes,” Moneypenny said. “And a gracenote has got to be difficult for someone who puns like you do.”

“Well, it’s not like I know the clarinet,” Bond pointed out.

“Yet,” Moneypenny said. “Treble can play dozens of instruments, and men like him always appreciate someone willing to be a receptacle for their hobbies and grandiose ideas.” She gave him a meaningful look.

“That could work,” Bond admitted. “Well thought.”  

The seed of a persona began to spring up inside of him: the rich Scotsman who’d grown tired of business and now wanted to spend his time helping deserving groups attain success. He’d be a man who was drawn to Treble not only because Treble liked to do the same, but because–-and this had almost been forgotten by this persona as he buried himself in the pursuit of greater profit margins–-his true passion was for music.

If he played his cards right, Treble would be the one seducing him to his vision while Bond played the eager student and the experienced business peer by turns. It wouldn’t be the most fun Bond had ever had, but it wouldn’t be the least, either; Bond had had far worse things than a clarinet in his mouth as part of pursuing intelligence.

Besides, who knew? Maybe learning to play an instrument other than the pipes would be fun.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. <3 Constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
